This is Lucy. She’s almost 4, precocious as hell, and talks non-stop. Like broken record non-stop.
I’m an introvert. I need time and space to collect myself, but I have a yapping almost-4-year-old at my feet most of the time, chiming on about nonsense. So basically I haven’t collected myself in…almost 4 years.
I’ve tried to embrace it. I even tried to record it, but then I realized I’d have to sit and listen to the whole damn recording, which would be like having the almost-4-year-old yapping in my ear all over again. So then I tried to follow her around with the laptop, typing everything that she says. I got to 11 minutes before I gave up. I couldn’t write fast enough. But those 11 minutes were like gold, so here they are, for your reading pleasure.
Oh, and for reference, Char is her little sister.
Nudge is our dog.
This guy. Poor muffin.
11 minutes in the mind of Lucy Miller
It’s part of a tampon.
Look, it’s a tampon sword.
A tampon sword is what I use. Yaaaaaaar!
Nudge, you say it like this: TAM-PON.
How does it feel like having tampons in your panties?
Nudge what are you up to little doggie? What are you up to Nudgles? I’m going to go see what that is.
Mom, can you find my Merida wig? Oh, there’s my tampon swordie. I get all this yucky stuff on the washcloth. Mom, look! It’s a washcloth! I have to go get Char.
Char, look! A tampon! Do you like it? I traded Char for the blue washcloth for the yellow washcloth. Bluuuuuuuuuuue! Yaaaaaaaah! She wants me. Nudge, I was sitting right there and you can’t stiff me!
Ruff ruff ruff ruff. Howwwwwww! Ow ow owwwww!
Oh yeah? Hey little dog.
Okay, just stay there a second Nudge.
Yelling from the other room, then quiet.
Can you find the little curl that’s hanging in Merida’s eyes please? It’s ok. It has Velcro! See that little scratchy there? It means it has Velcro. You don’t have to worry Char. He wants his PJ’s on it’s cold!
Char cries, “No, no, don’t want Lulu!”
For the record: I blame her father.