I’m here to settle a big debate. Here’s the sitch:
When you’re describing those big, fat delicious mushrooms known as portobello/as, do you say “portobello” or “portobella”?
This has bothered me for years. It’s kept me up many a sleepless night, tossing and turning and wondering which dang vowel to use. Happily, my friends over at the Mushroom Council (Yep. You heard me. Mushroom. Council.) have decided to put an end to the whole messy controversy and go with the feminine portobella.
Whew. Thank goodness for Mushroom Councils. Without them, who would settle volcanic debates that threaten to rip our nation in two? Our liberty, nay–our way of life is at stake here, people.
There goes my invitation to their annual conference.
At any rate, you’ve gotta pop by the market soon and pick up the goods for this loverly creamy portobella pot roast. It’s rich. It’s heart-warming. It will cook itself while you are at work.
Steal a 3-4 pound boneless pot roast from your butcher while he’s not looking. C’mon. Variety is the spice of life, folks. Being a law abiding citizen is totally overrated.
Rinse and pat dry. And I mean dry. Julia Child will come and smack you over the head with a Le Creuset if you don’t. Or Meryl Streep. Either way, both are big women and Le Creuset is some heavy friggin cookware. You wouldn’t survive.
Season with salt and pepper.
Next, scrub down 10-12 yukon gold potatoes. Or reds. Or fingerlings. Whatever makes your hanky go panky.
Grab four portobella mushrooms. Wipe ‘em down with a damp paper towel and see how much soil comes off. You’re glad you cleaned ‘em down, eh?
You can be lazy and rinse them, but only if you want to experience the wrath of a Le Creuset to your noggin.
You need one yellow onion. Or as I like to call them: yellah.
Also grab about a cup and a half of baby carrots…
…and one can of cream of mushroom soup. But don’t tell anyone about the Campbell’s. My reputation would be ruined.
But we all know that’s a lie.
To make up for the use of a canned soup, grab a bottle of really good red wine. I know, I know. I’m a conundrum. You’ll need about one cup.
Alright, it doesn’t have to be good red wine–I was opening this bottle for a special occasion anyway, so I figured a cup could be sacrificed for the sake of pot roast. A $10 bottle would work just fine. But seriously, folks: don’t cook with a wine you wouldn’t drink.
Now, heat one tablespoon of oil over medium-high heat. We need to brown the meat, my darlings.
Brown quickly on all sides, using tongs to turn, and remove from heat.
Layer some of the potatoes and carrots in the bottom of your slow cooker insert. If you have a small Crock or prefer super-soft potatoes, you will want to chop the potatoes beforehand. I like my taters whole, and I have a big dang Crock, so I just tossed ‘em in. Lay the roast on top.
If I can help it, I don’t like to lay a roast directly on the bottom of the Crock. The edges can tend to get overcooked if they’re touching the pan.
Now then. Peel your onion and hack it in half.
Give it a rough chop. You don’t want your pieces too small.
Chop off the stems of your portobellas…
…and slice those bee-youtiful mushrooms into half inch pieces.
Peel the amount of garlic you’d like to add. I’m crazy. I add a metric ton of garlic to everything I cook. You do what feels right–anywhere in the range of 4-8 cloves is pretty reasonable for this dish.
Mince those suckers up.
Throw the rest of the carrots, potatoes, mushrooms and garlic on top of the roast.
Now we need to make the sauce. Roast can’t cook without liquid, people. Crack that can of cream of mushroom and stir in one cup of wine.
I know, I know. It looks kind of like a lavender mess. But I promise the results will be delicious.
Add a little bit of salt and pepper and get ready to cook this sucker.
Add a bay leaf to the mix and give the whole thing as good of a stir as you can manage. Once it cooks down a little bit you can give it a more proper stir.
Cover and cook on low for at least 8 hours.
See? No more purple distaster here. What’s left are tender potatoes, scrumptious portobellas, meat that falls apart at the touch of a fork and some fragrant broth to tie it all together.
This hearty wintry dish goes great with a big hunk of crusty bread.
This is totally decadent.
Mmmm. Warms my cold February tummy. And the Mushroom Council would be so proud.
Make this for a delicious, warming weekend meal.
Creamy Portobella Pot Roast
- 3-4 pound boneless pot roast, rinsed, patted dry and seasoned with salt and pepper
- 1 yellow onion, sliced
- 4 portobella mushrooms, cleaned and sliced into 1/2″ pieces
- 10-12 small potatoes (yukon gold, baby red, or fingerling), chopped if desired
- 1 1/2 cups baby carrots
- 4-8 cloves of garlic, minced
- 1 can cream of mushroom soup
- 1 cup red wine
- 1 bay leaf
- 1 tbsp cooking oil
- salt and pepper to taste
Heat oil over medium-high heat in frying pan. Quickly brown meat on all sides and remove from heat. Create a small layer of potatoes and carrots on the bottom of slow cooker insert. Lay roast on top. Add the rest of the potatoes and carrots on top of the roast, as well as the garlic, mushrooms and onion. Mix together the cream of mushroom soup and the wine in a separate bowl; add to slow cooker. Add bay leaf and salt and pepper to taste. Stir. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours. Serve immediately.